I hit words at random on iOS 8’s new predictive text feature so I could see what type of sentence my phone thinks I’m likely to say, and
You will miss him no matter
how nicely or how badly he
treated you and no matter
how long or how little you
had him you will miss
him and you will want him
to be the one that comforts
you and you will want to know
why he did this to you and you
will scream at the world and be
angry even at the flowers that
grow from the soil of the earth
and you will collapse on the floor
like a leaf falling from its tree and
you will feel lost like a tourist in a
foreign city and you will feel so
numb that you will have to check
if your heart is even beating and
I am not going to sugarcoat it for
you and I am not going to tell you
that he will come back and lift you
out of your grave because the truth
is you will have to stitch your body
back together and you will have
to be the one that cleans the
waterfall of tears that have
splashed your cheeks and no
matter how much you wish
for him to come back you will
have to learn that most stars
are already dead in light-years
and you have to be the one
that fixes your own gears of
your contraption because
you are the only one that can
swim when you are drowning
in your own blood.
Sometimes in a moment of clarity, I’ll see you in my mind. And I realise that you were never as perfect as I’d made you out to be.
And I laugh, momentarily, I laugh because it’s ridiculous how in love with you I was and I feel stupid for not seeing you as you really were. And for that one moment in time, I finally feel free, and I question whether I’ve finally moved on, whether my conscience has finally won this never ending battle against my heart.
I smile, for the first time in what feels like an age. I grin. I giggle. I dance around the room like a spritely bumble bee, imagining that I can fly into the unknown with nothing to weight me down.
I am free. For now.
But then just as quickly as it arrived, this moment of clarity fades. I remember how your hands caressed my face. How you looked me in the eye and told me I was the most beautiful thing on this earth. I remember how you picked me up like I was the lightest feather even though I think you must have been struggling.
I remember your laugh, your smile. Your body pressed up against mine and for that moment, that single moment.. I believed that I had found it; love like in the movies.
It’s funny how a moment can make you feel so alive, and that same moment can break you. Break you into a million pieces and never look back.
In the end I want it to be you.
I would ruin myself to fix you.
When you go to someones house for the first time and you sit there like
me: wow this is fucked up
vagina: idk it’s kinda hot :|
me: vagina no
vagina: ( ͡ ° ͜ʖ ͡° )